Quotes

You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave.
- Sydney Smith

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.
- Anais Nin

After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
- H. L. Mencken

Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
- G. K. Chesterton

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything.
- Kurt Vonnegut

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
- Barry LePatner

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.
- Russell Baker

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.
- E. B. White

I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.
- Orson Welles

The only way to be truly misogynistic is to be a woman.
- Randy K. Milholland

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
- William Dement

Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public.
- Robert Morley

Vote early and vote often.
- Al Capone

You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave.
- Sydney Smith

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.
- Anais Nin

After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
- H. L. Mencken

Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
- G. K. Chesterton

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything.
- Kurt Vonnegut

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
-Frank Sinatra

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
-Timothy Walsh

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
-Anonymous

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
-W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-Henny Youngman

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
-Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
-Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
-Winston Churchill

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
-Humphrey Bogart

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

-Homer Simpson

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
- Billy Crystal

I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe.
- Richard Gere

In great affairs men show themselves as they wish to be seen; in small things they show themselves as they are.
- Nicholas Chamfort

Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too.
- Richard M. Nixon

No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
- Judge Gideon J. Tucker

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
- Bill Watterson

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch.
- Unknown